4.09.2008

“if you want something in life, reach out and grab it.” (into the wild)

yes, i have always loved change. it has become my hobby of some sort to go for something new every now and then. i go place to place, walk and run, even fly, if i just could. i try new stuff without minding laws and norms; stuff to eat and drink and experience. i try to meet new friends, and even talk to strangers most people wouldn’t do because they are too damn scared to know the other side of the real world. i mean, this is what i do best; this is what i love doing. this is me. this is the thing that gives me pleasure the most. sometimes, i even get too attached to this hobby of mine that i totally open my arms and just leave the things, especially the people around me, as is—go. i hate attachments; i hate baggage because they tend to keep me from where i want to be. but then, things change… all the time.

that was before; that was when i was still a kid with those thick cheeks and short shorts. those were the times when all i wanted was fun and pleasure. no sacrifices, no regrets. i’ve always believed in explorations and experiences that i thought would teach me a lot. oh, yes, don’t get me wrong, they do teach a lot, but sometimes, it’s too late when you get the freaking lesson and all that is left to you is regret and hatred. you’ll tell people how regretful you are for losing so much time, for not listening to your teachers when they were teaching grammar and lessons about their own lives. you’ll tell your sons and daughters to eat their vegetables and study hard because you, yourself, never took time to listen to your parents. oh, yes, i learned a lot from my past, and one of those that i consider the most important is to get out of the box i am in to fully know myself. one has to submerge himself to an unfamiliar world to know what he needs, wants, and dreams. but then, i didn’t learn everything from these experiences i had. i wasted and lost a great amount of time from these adventures too. but then, again, life must go on. there’s no space for regrets.

this time, it’s not the same kind of adventure where in i get to go back and correct my mistakes. actually, it has never been that kind of an adventure; i just made my own rules. the truth is, there are a lot of rules and limitations and, punishments, as well. there are spaces for mistakes but too much of it isn’t tolerable. great amount of time and opportunity pass by when you go back and try to patch the holes you have ignored and jumped on to. instead of wasting time trying to go back, why not learn from it and try not to go too fast, nor too slow. why not try to familiarize yourself with the rules first before breaking it? why not go for changes when it is time to change? but the question is, when is the right time?

when i still had those thick cheeks and short shorts, i knew the answer. the answer was “anytime”. anytime i felt it was “a” time for change, then, it is. but then, again, things change. those were things of the past. life must go on because few wrong decisions won’t turn your whole life into waste unless you try to continue or correct it, and find the way out with the same wrong decisions over and over. find a thing, maybe a person, in your life that is most important to you. hold it. grasp it as if it’ll never go. love it, show it, spend time with it, and you’ll never think of changing. maybe few minor changes, but what’s important is “the” thing, or “the” persons that is constant in your life—a thing or two to depend on each time you go astray. one can always go back to the right track.

changes, yes, it is still the most wonderful word for me, but a lot of it wouldn’t do me good.

p.s. , a brand new hairstyle and a few selection of clothes won’t hurt, so go! spread those wings!

“if you want something in life, reach out and grab it.” (into the wild)